Have you ever just stared blankly at a fresh screen, wanting to write, but not being able to? The words, the emotions, the feelings are bubbling just underneath the surface of the skin. You keep smiling and keep the cheerful tone in your voice hoping that eventually you can even convince yourself that everything is fine.
Everything is fine.
You pretend not to be affected by the knot that has seemingly taken up residence in the bottom of your throat. You blink a lot, as if doing so will somehow will away the tears that keep threatening to come just any second. You press your tongue to the roof of your mouth hard to stop the emotion that has almost broken down the door to freedom.
Everything is fine.
Answer questions with a certain sense of vagueness. When someone asks something more specific you simply shake your head as if to say "I'm sorry...I just don't have enough time to go into that right now". You think back to times before..how did I get through this then? Will this time be as painful? Will it go on as long? Jesus Christ....what now?
Everything is fine.
